I have recently gone through a break-up and want to share some of my tips that have helped me.
Heartbreak is painful no matter how tough we are. But how we deal with it is important. Also no break-up is the same. It depends why a relationship has ended. If people grow apart and it is an amicable goodbye, it might feel easier than escaping an abusive toxic coupling up. The healing time will also differ but a great self-care routine applies to all.
Firstly accept that it is ok not to be ok. There is no shame in crying, eating crappy food and watching movies on repeat. As long as you don’t stay in this phase for too long. All the crying and sleepless nights can wreck havoc with our immune system and hormones. When we are stressed, cortisol levels shoot up and this contributes to break outs. Combined with junk food and alcohol, your skin will not reward you with a glow. I don’t drink alcohol and gluten free diet keeps me in my lane so I didn’t go too crazy eating carrots. I got too friendly with sandwiches instead. Carbs are life.
So what has helped me?
Talking to friends and spending time with them, no matter how shitty I felt. Granted, the first few days I became glued to my sofa and barely ate anything. I also couldn’t sleep or focus. But texting and actually speaking with my closest friends made a huge difference. If you got a therapist, call them too. It is not fair to keep off loading to friends as they got their own crappola to deal with. But also setting boundaries with some people is essential. I don’t want to broadcast intimate details to everyone and anyone asking (as much as they might be meaning well it can act as a trigger).
I broke up with my ex but I didn’t run to my social media to vent. No matter how things end, it is never a smart idea. Your co-workers will think you have lost your mind (you might have but keep that for your closest buds) and your ex might get a (sick, twisted) satisfaction. Block that number, delete those photos. No second or third chances; know your self-worth. Why be with someone who doesn’t appreciate or see your value the first time round?
Please remember, leaving an unhealthy relationship is an act of self-love.
I have taken up Hatha Yoga in my local town of Westgate-on-Sea and go twice a week. The practice helps me physically, mentally and our little group of yogis is a joy to be around. My teacher is also a ray of sunshine and didn’t judge me for crying through few sessions!
Going for a workout is an achievement to be celebrated. So is walking. I walk 1-2 hours per day as I am lucky to be living by the beach. I eat clean and my gluten free diet is full of fruit, veggies and nuts and seeds. I now got the best toned bum I have had in years and my tummy is getting firm. Getting fitter, hotter but mainly healthy has become my mantra. I am also investing in myself with joining inspirational online Ted talks and seminars and reading empowering books. Another investment is my silk pillow case (no more crease marks or bedhead), sleep mist, CBD oil, candles, incense sticks, vitamin supplements and healthy food to nourish my body and soul. Vitamin D has been fab for mood-lifting.
Self-love is the most important love you will ever have.
Listening to podcasts has also been great. I like My Therapist Ghosted Me. Visiting new places and creating new memories is a must. Look forward not backwards. So my friend and I finally made it to the Shell Grotto in Margate despite feeling sleep-deprived and crummy. All a gal needs is a 4.6 million shells and a handful of brill mates!
I didn’t feel at peace in my home after the break-up. I decluttered and threw away anything that was associated with my ex. I moved furniture around, decluttered, got more green plants and lovely smelling candles. I burned sage for more positive vibes. New bed linen is always a good idea. Claim your space and make it a happy one again. And have plenty of delicious orgasms. If possible, get a new sex toy that your ex hasn’t used with you before. I got my cute pink Womanizer Premium Eco. Fresh start is a blessing. So are multiple orgasms.
To help me drift off, break-up or not, I listen to progressive muscle relaxation and take a warm bath adding Olverum Bath Oil. This is a heavenly mixture of 10 essential oils – Rosemary, Lavender, Verbena, Juniper, Geranium, Eucalyptus, Lemon Peel Oil and more. What a star line up to grace my tub. This delicate formula is perfectly blended to deliver harmony to senses and to slow down that tired brain. As Sylvia Plath wrote, the water really is the best way to purge feelings. Add this dreamy bath oil to make your own poetry.
Olverum Bath Oil turns water into liquid silk; my skin adores feeling supple and hydrated yet not greasy. Each soak is a pampering session. The 125ml luxurious glass bottle will keep you company for 25 baths. This is 25 soaks in The Heartbreak Spa by which time you will be feeling on top of the world.
My bath time is followed by a cup of hot cocoa with plant milk. I am talking raw cacao and not some sugary imposter. It is like a miracle for emotional and physical wellbeing. And bloody delicious.
I then spray my pillow with Olverum sleep mist and apply Kiki Health Magnesium Oil on my wrists. Most of us are deficient so this oil will help with fatique. Magnesium also has calming effect which helps me with falling asleep. The bottle of this will last for months.
I am wishing you all the best on your heartbreak recovery. That feeling of waking up one day and feeling happy and like yourself is the best feeling in the world. I want that for you.
Another thought – being single is like being rich.